King. Of the Stupids

You have to say it right, and I don't know if I can get that across well in text. You say it loud, "King", and then you pause, but it's not really a period kind of pause, more of a pregnant pause, but there's no punctuation for that. Then you say "Of the stupids" and you kind of say it real fast, like you knew you were going to say it all along. You can even slur it together. Or drag it out slow, I've done it both ways. Probably hard for someone else to do; it's kinda my thing. Hey, everybody has a talent. Anyway.

Bodie is King. Of the Stupids.

Did you say it right? Don't just read over it real fast thinking that you've got it. I know you're doing that, because that's what I do. But you gotta do it right - real bold and dramatic on the first word, pregnant pause, then quieter and quicker, with a kind of self satisfied tone on the follow through three words. King. Of the Stupids. Now you're getting it.

You can see Bodie in the picture above. He's the big guy on the left. I'd say he's with two of his subjects, but you're probably already there with that. So. You can see Maggie and Livy eating out of the bowl. Charlie is gone in this picture - he scooted off to the bedroom to sleep on Anne's clothes while she's out shopping at the Mall of America with Abi.

Bodie does puppy things; he's still a puppy, and he comes off kinda goofy sometimes. Or stupid. So whenever he does something really, well, brain dead, I'll reacquaint him with his title. Maybe even lift up a front paw and intone "Undefeated and stillllllllllllll Champion.....Bodie!"

Did you do that in that announcer guy voice? Cause that's important too. This post is all about doing the voices right.

Anyway, the title and it's mythos have evolved. Whenever I see someone doing something stupid on the highway, like passing on the right or cutting blindly through lanes to get to an exit or whatever, I'll call out "Look Bodie, someone's after your crown!" Same thing if Charlie or Maggie does something stupid - I'll warn Bodie that they are after his crown.

Now, Bodie has a few likes and dislikes. He HATES the vacumm cleaner, and any thing that looks like it could be a vacuum cleaner. And he LOVES ice cubes.

And I like to give him stuff to play with that keeps him busy; I don't want him to get bored.

Now, look at the picture above again. See that white donut on the right? That's their water bowl - it's designed to not slosh out when you're driving. Bodie can only get his tongue into it, the opening's pretty small.

I'm about to give him some ice, and I think "I bet Bodie would find it challenging to fish it out of the bowl." I'm thinking he'll fiddle around and trap it with his tongue and his teeth somehow and fish it out, but it will take him a few minutes to figure it out. So I drop some ice into the bowl for him.

Bodie looks at the bowl.

Then with one paw he flips the bowl over and dumps the ice and water out all over the carpet, and promptly snaps up a piece of ice amidst a rapidly spreading puddle..

Dang.

I'm after his crown.